


金繕い | kintsukuroi

by deltachye



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Childhood Friends, Crushes, Eventual Romance, F/M, Frustration, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi Friendship, Tsukishima Kei Being an Asshole, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, tl;dr tsukishima has a crush and is too much of an asshole to act on it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2019-09-06 12:01:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16832230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deltachye/pseuds/deltachye
Summary: [reader x kei tsukishima]金繕い: "kintsukuroi", to repair shattered pieces with gold.





	1. Chapter 1

“I’m home!”

Kei looked up from his place on the couch, his frown pressing tighter against his lips. The front door slammed shut in the heavy way it did whenever _she_ came home—and just when his eyes drifted to the hallway, [Name] bounded in.

“This isn’t your house,” he reminded her coolly, looking back down at the book he’d been reading. She tucked her sneakers away into the spot his mother had reserved for her on his shoe rack, hung her coat up in his closet, and sat beside him heavily on his couch.

“No. But I live here, remember?” she reminded him smugly, flicking on his television with his remote. It ticked him off. But it was true, and he couldn’t argue with that. [Name]’s single father had taken a job overseas just a few months ago before the start of high school, and her other relatives lived far away in Hokkaido. [Surname] Takashi was a close friend of the Tsukishimas, and, feeling sorry for [Name], they’d given her a room in the house so that she could continue her life in Miyagi. Even though it’d been a while, it was still hard to remember that it was the routine that they were living together now. Though even in youth, she spent so much time over that it was like they lived together then anyways. They went to Karasuno High School together now. Every day they ate breakfast together, walked to and from school together, did their homework together… Actually, Kei didn’t think he could actually remember a time when [Name] wasn’t there.

He felt a twinge in his gut, unable to concentrate any longer. He’d been reading the same sentence over and over without absorbing it. He snapped the book shut and glanced over at her carefully when he was sure she wasn’t looking. Despite only having sat down for a few minutes, she had immediately gotten immersed into the show, which he cared little for. How childish of her. Still, his eyes focused on the profile of her face.

When [Name] had first moved in, she’d taken the guest room. But the house was worryingly old, and the heating had problems, so his mother had insisted that she move into his room. Not Akiteru’s, which was currently unoccupied—his. At first, it’d annoyed him relentlessly. He’d tripped over her unconscious body often in the first week, forgetting that she was on his floor. He was annoyed by all the incessant alarms, which went off at 6:30, 6:35, 6:40, 6:45, and 6:50 respectively. He was annoyed with having to brush her stupid hair off of his clothes. Speaking of which, he was annoyed that his sweaters kept disappearing—ending up on her, of course. Somehow “my house, your house” became literal, and she became rooted as a constant invasion into his space, and consequently his mind. He was annoyed that he paid so much attention to her in the first place.

And yet, he was most annoyed that he’d started _liking_ her.

[Name] was around for most of his childhood. They’d been neighbours and family friends. It had been a simple relationship of teasing and tolerance; she was insufferably giddy, and he was relentlessly snide. The classic tale. But he’d never seen her in that light before _now_ , because he’d never known her so well—he’d never seen her toweling her hair off after a shower; her sleeping face; he had never seen her smile so close like this before.

He looked away sharply.

“Oh, you’re home! How was your exam, [Name]-chan?” His mother turned the corner, smiling widely once she saw her. His parents adored her—she was the daughter they’d never had, having a family of two sons. He couldn’t help but scowl slightly. It wasn’t as if they neglected him, but he was irritated that they liked her, too. It just meant that she was going to be around for even longer. Around him.

“It went better than I thought it would, thanks! What’s for dinner?”

“I made your favourite tonight!” his mother chimed back.

 _Of course she did_ , he thought scathingly.

“Also,” his mother added, “Akiteru’s coming home to visit soon.”

“Oh!” She tore herself away from the TV screen at last and sat up straight, her grin suddenly wide. “That’s great! I haven’t seen oniisan in such a long time.”

 _Oniisan?_ Another twinge of jealousy. It felt like a drop of acid in his stomach, eating away at his blood.

“Yes, it’s been a while since you’ve seen him, hasn’t it? Dinner should be ready in a few minutes. Kei, can you get the door if it rings? Your father should be home soon.”

“Okay,” he muttered, trying to ignore the intolerably happy expression that was positively lighting up her face. Despite his obviously hostile aura that suddenly settled in, she seemed oblivious to it and turned to him excitedly.

“Akiteru hasn’t come home from university since I moved in, right? Do you think he’ll be surprised that I’m here?”

“I don’t really care,” he said dishonestly, because he cared very much if his brother thought of her, too. She pouted slightly, tilting her head.

“Geez, you’re real talkative today. Hotaru.”

“Don’t call me Hotaru,” he mumbled petulantly. It’d been a recurring joke—as a child, [Name] had misread his name as ‘Hotaru’ and would never give it up after he’d been so offended at the tender age that he’d cried.

“Okay, Hotaru.” She turned back to the TV before he could retort, and he could only sigh. Throwing up headphones, he upped the volume on his music as if it could drown out his emotional turmoil. He didn’t deserve this—in fact, he wished he didn’t care at all. It’d be easier that way. And yet, that never worked out, no matter what he did to avoid it. It was like he was cursed or something.

He wanted to get up and go to his room, which was currently devoid of [Name]’s presence. But after his mother had asked him to keep an eye on the door, he couldn’t. Even with music making his eardrums buzz numbly, his eyes kept on gravitating back to her. A small strand of hair stuck out on her forehead, parted the wrong way because of the wind. He reached out to adjust it—

The doorbell rung twice, loudly, making him jump and wince. [Name] paid it little attention. She didn’t even blink.

“It’s probably your dad,” she said monotonously when he didn’t move immediately, settling comfortably into the couch. She pulled a blanket over herself and curled up underneath it. He kept his hand glued tightly to his side and got up stiffly.

Once he’d let his father in, he walked into his room and shut the door, immediately upset by how much it smelt like her. His heart was still jittery after how close he had been to touching her, and he closed his eyes, wishing very much that he felt nothing at all. At this rate, he felt like he was going to split into two—a part of him that loved her, and a part that says he loves-her-not—even though, yes, he very much _does_ love her.

And he hated it.


	2. Chapter 2

Kei usually had to get up unfairly early for morning volleyball practices, but he had actual discipline and only needed one alarm. In the time it took for him to stick a hand out to his bedside table and put his glasses on, [Name] had already hit snooze. He didn’t even bother setting his own alarm anymore, for hers were always so obnoxious. 

“You know, it’s unbecoming of somebody if they can’t get up properly,” he chided smarmily, peering in the dark. She moaned gutturally in response but remained in her futon, unmoving. This was how most mornings went, nowadays. He’d then go and shower, brush his teeth, check a news feed, and change into school uniform—all this in the bathroom, for his private space in his own bedroom was commandeered—and by the time he came back to his room, the fifth or sixth alarm went, and finally [Name] would just start to open her eyes. 

“I hate mornings,” she’d complain in a hoarse voice that was higher pitched than normal. She always said something awfully cliched like that as if he cared—as if he were able to ignore how horrifyingly _adorable_ it was when she was sleepy and vulnerable. Then she’d haul herself up, hair a bedridden mess, and groggily stumble off towards the bathroom. Some days she’d trip or walk into a wall. This was routine.

And honestly, it was killing him.

It felt like there was something _wrong_ being so… _domestic_ with a girl he liked—well, ‘liked’ might be too strong of a word. He was trying to kill his feelings, after all, even if he wasn’t having much success with that right now. In any case he still felt cheated, like he was this close to something without being able to have it. A glass wall in front of something precious. Within reach, but… not. He got out of the room as quickly as he could, knowing that something inside of him would break if he was alone with her presence for any more time that was needed. 

Then they’d eat breakfast together. Sometimes his father would join them, other times he’d already left. His mother was diligent and kind, always ensuring they had a nutritious meal to start the day, alongside a packed lunch. His and [Name]’s were set on the table next to each other. The sight of it always made his stomach turn. It was like she was his sister or something—when Akiteru was still around, his lunch would’ve been put next to his brother’s, too. The thought of [Name] sticking around as a sister rather than a roommate was worse than the emotional butterflies that seemed to float to his throat whenever she turned to look at him. A rock and a hard place. Really, what did he do to deserve this?

After that, they’d go off to school together. Yamaguchi’s house was on the way, so the two of them always went that way so that they could walk as a trio. Unfortunately, Tadashi Yamaguchi, the biggest pushover he knew, was also his biggest bully when it came to his situation.

“Morning, Tadashi!” she called, cupping her mouth with both hands to project her voice. Yamaguchi jogged over after closing his gate.

“Good morning, [Name]-chan! Tsukki.”

 _First name basis,_ Kei reflexively noticed. It made sense; Yamaguchi, he, and [Name] had been friends for most of their lives. Yamaguchi had called her ‘[Name]-chan’ since grade school, just like he’d stuck with calling him ‘Tsukki’. When Kei was younger he’d found it easier to do the same—“[Surname]-san, [Name]-san, [Name]”—but now, he could only ever find enough energy to call her by her family name. Anything more than that felt like it was trespassing a dangerous boundary of intimacy. The way his mother called his father by his first name, or “honey”, “darling”… “ _my love_ ”. She went from calling him Kei or Hotaru, more likely the latter to spite him, but every time his name came out of her mouth he felt like there was a more significant gravity to it. Like honey to water. It wasn’t the same as when other people talked to him, including female classmates. Even if Yachi found the guts to call him Kei for whatever reason, he doubted he’d feel anything different. Yet for whatever goddamn reason, every time _she_ called his name, he could feel his heart stutter. He knew that she noticed his recession away from familiarity, and he also knew deeper down that it hurt her, but he was selfish and felt the need to protect himself above all else. Even her.

“How do you think you’ll do on the pre-calc test, [Name]-chan?”

“Okay, I hope. I should’ve studied better. Man, I wish we got a formula sheet—”

“Maybe if you spent more time on your studies rather than lazing around, you could actually be productive.”

He hadn’t realized he’d said it until he did; Yamaguchi and [Name] both turned back to look at him, startled by the sudden unwelcome interjection. [Name]’s brow twitched and with a jolt Kei knew that he’d screwed up. He should take it back now when it was still fresh. But he didn’t know how to do that, so he merely looked off and shrugged, the back of his neck prickling.

“Just saying. You can’t complain about your grades when you don’t do the work.”

Slowing to a stop, [Name] stood before him. He looked down at everybody he knew, being so tall, but for some reason it felt like he had to look up at her. Her presence was overwhelming. This hole he’d dug was growing deeper. Blood rushed in his ears when he noticed her hands curl into fists, shaky at her sides.

“…screw you, Tsukishima.”

The name, with extra gravitas and bitter honey, punched a hole through his stomach. _Tsukishima_. Not “Kei”, not “Hotaru”. Unfamiliar. Detached.

Strange.

“W-wait, [Name]… chan. She’s gone. Ah, Tsukki—why’d you say that to her? You know she’s sensitive about her grades ever since her dad had to leave.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he shot back stubbornly. His heart already ached and he didn’t want to dwell on it. Yamaguchi raised a thin eyebrow as they began to walk forwards again, [Name]’s back already in the far distance.

“Hey, have you told her how you feel yet?”

“I don’t _feel_ anything!” he retorted. But it sounded empty even to him, and the hastiness in his outburst was so out of character that he felt almost possessed by a hormonal alter-ego.

“Tsukki, for a smart guy, you’re pretty dumb.”

“Excuse me?” 

Yamaguchi hardly talked back, though he’d grown more confident after that one incident in Tokyo. He shrugged, shaking his head.

“You’re going to lose her if you continue at this rate.”

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.” 

“I just think you’d be a compatible couple—if you admit it to yourself and get over your ego. And if you can’t do that, you should at least be nice to her. She’s been through a lot and she doesn’t need you against her.”

Kei’s step faltered, and Yamaguchi stopped alongside him, standing strong with his accusations. Although Kei would never admit it aloud, Yamaguchi was right. [Name] had lost her father for who knows how long, and with him, lost her home. She was staying with family friends instead of family, and to boot, her roommate was a bad-tempered guy who couldn’t even stand to say a single nice thing. Yamaguchi nodded wisely at Kei’s dumbfounded expression, which he could feel hanging stupidly on his face.

“She could be good for you, but not if you keep pushing her away. …Anyways, we’re going to be late for volleyball, so we should pick up the pace.”

Yamaguchi then turned and walked, taking his strides a bit wider. It took Kei a couple before he could follow. Was Yamaguchi right? Should he… try to open himself to this?

But with all risky things comes failure and heartbreak. He’d gotten good at conditioning himself to avoid those at all costs. He was going to respect Akiteru’s path as the elder brother and avoid his mistakes. And yet, without risk, there comes no love.

Maybe he could… try?

\---

[Name] was in the class next to his with Yachi, so they weren’t in the same room. Although they were both college prep, he didn’t actually see her that much unless he went out of his way to visit her room. Being in the same class as Yamaguchi, he didn’t see the need to relocate. Sometimes he’d see her in the hall if they were changing rooms, and sometimes they’d exchange a couple lines or something—but he didn’t see her at all today, not since she’d run off in the morning.

There was no afternoon practice since it had been in the morning. When that happened they usually walked home together; but even after waiting in the usual spot for a good twenty minutes, she didn’t show up. Yamaguchi had gone off to practice serves, so he was standing here on his own, looking like a damn fool. He didn’t want to admit that he was worried, but something could’ve happened—[Name] could’ve gotten hung up with some shady upperclassmen, or be trapped somewhere, needing help. That was of course, ridiculous. Being around Tanaka and Nishinoya was probably what was screwing with his head, but he couldn’t help his heart beating a bit harder at the thought. He clenched and unclenched his left fist, the other still holding his phone. He’d sent four messages off to her already, demanding to know where she was while threatening to leave her behind.

“This is ridiculous,” he grumbled, picking his phone up with both hands to look at the screen. Read receipts were off, so he wouldn’t know if she had looked at them or not. There’d been two calls, straight to voicemail. [Name] was obsessed with her phone, so there was no way it had died, or she wasn’t looking at it. He paced, kicking circles in the dirt. Should he just go home? Maybe she was there already. But if she wasn’t, his mother would be furious at him for leaving her behind, and a lecture would be tedious. He could check by calling home. But if he called his mother and [Name] _wasn’t_ home, he was sure he’d worry the whole family and kick up a fuss, something he already knew both he and [Name] would hate. Especially her. She was already feeling guilty as a ‘freeloader’, and tried too hard to take an imaginary burden off the Tsukishimas as compensation for her presence. 

“Dammit,” he swore under his breath, looking at his phone a last time. At this time, there were no more people filing in and out of the gates, either at club activities or on the bus home. He’d just have to go and look for her. God, how annoying… did he have to go check the girls’ washrooms? Great. With his bad luck he’d probably walk in on some poor girl and get disciplinary action. Maybe the classrooms first. He didn’t know any of her friends well enough to have their number, and even if he did, he’d be too embarrassed to ask them if they knew where she was.

He was already unreasonably stressed before a figure melted out of the shadows—with the orange hued sunset, it almost looked like [Name] had morphed out of the light. She looked surprised to see him, stopping in her tracks. He was sure he had the same stunned expression. A harsh gust of wind blew hair across her face, diffusing her countenance.

“I… thought you’d have gone home already.”

“Where were you!?” he snapped curtly, forgetting all his relief and immediately whirling on her with anger. “I’ve been sitting here forever.”

“I went to the teacher,” she replied, just as sharply. “To ask questions about the coursework. I can’t fall behind.” Her strength seemed to falter, and her eyes fell to the side. “‘Do the work’, right?”

His jaw tightened. Her expression was holding something back, and it was clear she was avoiding looking at him in the eye. This was the time for him to say something. An apology. Even just _anything_.

But he didn’t have the nerve. He merely picked up his bag and swept past her.

“If you’re going to be late, then tell me first. Then I won’t bother waiting like an idiot.”

 _Why did I say that_?! he wanted to scream at himself, but the damage was done. That wasn’t true—at any time, he could fix things, and stop them from getting worse. It was like a crack; he could plug it now and that’d be the end of it. But instead he just sat back and watched it grow, waiting for everything to shatter inwards onto him. He walked a bit harder, and a bit faster, as if that could distance himself from his mistakes. But it trailed behind him in the form of a broken-hearted [Name], and no matter how far he wanted to run from it, he heard her cry herself to sleep that night.


	3. Chapter 3

When the alarm went off, its dutiful trill chiming off monotonously, Kei felt as if he’d just closed his eyes only to reopen them. He hadn’t slept a wink. There’d been too many thoughts running through his head, too many _emotions_ like guilt weighing him down—[Name]’s breathing was too loud, too. But it wasn’t actually. He was just too focused on it.

He reached to his bedside table for his glasses and rose, accustomed to his routine. Surprisingly, [Name] was doing the same, sitting up in her futon. She never actually got up on the first alarm. He immediately checked the clock on his desk—6:30, on the dot. And she was actually… awake?

“I’m using the washroom first,” she declared, noticing him boggling her from his bed. Stumbling on his words, he could only manage a choked “fine”, before she got up and hustled out. He watched her go, leaving the door ajar behind her. Light flushed in from the hallway. Sure enough, within a few minutes he could hear muffled water run through the pipes, telling him she was in the shower. He reached up and rubbed his eyes under his frames in a pathetic way to make sure he wasn’t dreaming an unfathomably hyper-realistic dream. 

Thrown off by the sudden change in schedule, Kei sat in his room awkwardly, feeling more like the guest than the actual resident. Was this all because of what he’d said yesterday? It was odd that [Name] would be motivated. It wasn’t like she wasn’t without determination, but her laziness had always been a big part of her. He thought, at least. The more time he spent with her, living with her, the more he realized he didn’t really know her that well at all.

The door opened again and [Name] came back in, her hair pulled back into a dark, wet braid. She looked up at Kei and then pointed down at her clothes.

“I decided to wear the sweater instead of the polo today. Do you think it looks okay, Tsukishima?”

Her voice was just as peppy and annoying as it was before yesterday. Even the little bounce she did as she showed off her outfit was like her. Everything was back to normal except for that one thing—“Tsukishima”. He wasn’t “Kei” to her anymore; just… Tsukishima. His heart was sinking but he hid it behind a vague sneer.

“How would I know anything about girl’s uniforms?”

She shrugged, seeming to agree without complaint. Without any further comment, she blurted out casually, “see you for breakfast.” With that she took her leave, leaving him highly confused. Why had she bothered asking him to validate her outfit if she didn’t care? Did she just want his attention?

It worked. And if she wanted him to feel bad by using his family name, that worked too, because all he felt was sick to his stomach.

\---

Breakfast seemed normal, but the walk was strangely awkward. Yamaguchi sensed the mood and kept his mouth shut about it—thank God—but his eyes kept darting from Kei to [Name] like he was the world’s most nervous tennis spectator. Even though [Name] talked and carried herself normally, there was tension in her shoulders and expression. There was just enough off about her for him to notice, but not enough for him to justify himself in pointing anything out. 

They parted ways at the school gate; [Name] didn’t have any business in the gym with them, and yet it still felt disappointing seeing her head off into the school as he and Yamaguchi walked the other way. She didn’t say anything as she walked off, and Kei couldn’t help but watch her go for a second too long. 

“So?”

“So _what_?” Kei snapped back, Yamaguchi’s prodding not taken well. 

“How’s your relationship going with [Name]-chan?”

“There was nothing wrong in the first place,” he lied, stuffing his bag into his cubby and pulling his gym shoes out. “And don’t call it a relationship. It’ll get taken the wrong way.”

“But—”

“Shut up, Yamaguchi,” Kei muttered crossly, not wanting to dwell on [Name] for any longer than he already had.

“Speak, Yamaguchi!”

The unwelcome addition into the conversation made Kei jump and he turned, seeing Nishinoya standing there with hands on his hips. Nishinoya moved to cross his arms around himself and took in a deep breath, before turning his razor-sharp eyes to Kei.

“What’s this about a _relationship_ with a _[Name]_ -chan? Don’t tell me Tsukishima got a girlfriend before the rest of us!”

His voice was horrendously loud as always, and to boot, Nishinoya was blowing it up even more dramatically by pointing. Everybody else in the club room turned to look, interested. Tsukishima wasn’t emotional, but he could feel his neck prickle with heat.

“She’s just somebody living with me,” he hissed, hoping to shut Nishinoya up quickly through the power of logos. But he’d forgotten that Nishinoya was not very receptive to logic, and it was as if he’d just dumped gasoline onto a fire.

“ _What_?! What kind of base is that, even?! You first years! You rascals!”

Tanaka, always in synergy with Nishinoya, worsened the situation with a dramatic re-enactment. He wasn’t sure who that falsetto was supposed to resemble—[Name]?—and Kei looked away with disgust as he and Nishinoya cuddled up to each other. Not only was it offensive, it just made him remember that he _wasn’t_ dating [Name], and it felt like an ice sheet had fallen around his heart. Even Hinata and Kageyama were joining into the dumbassery, staring at Kei with widened eyes as if there had been a sudden positive development in their idea of him. It all felt like a pressure squeezing down on him and it took his every last nerve not to explode on everybody.

“What’s the noise all about?” Sawamura demanded disgruntledly, charging in through the door, already changed. “I can hear you idiots all the way down the hall! Stop screwing around and get into the gym—we’re waiting!”

“’Kay,” they all chorused hastily, minus Kei, who couldn’t find the voice to speak. Yamaguchi glanced up guiltily but said nothing, leaving him behind to trot after the others. Kei exhaled a breath that he’d been holding once the door closed. His heart finally settled its rhythm. He wasn’t an idiot; he knew exactly why he felt so… wrong. He wanted it to be true. He wanted to be able to walk into this stupid club room and show off to the rest of the guys, _hey, I’ve got a girlfriend. [Name]’s my girlfriend._

But it wasn’t, and it really hurt. Was he going to do anything about it, like Yamaguchi kept urging him to? Absolutely not. So he guessed it’d just keep hurting. 

What fun.


	4. Chapter 4

She’d texted him early last period, telling him that she was going somewhere with friends after school and that he didn’t have to wait up for her. It made his gut itch a bit, but he pretended like it was a relief. No waiting around for her slow self to trod along, wasting his own precious time. It was great.

It wasn’t. But he was going to keep lying to himself anyways.

In any case, it at least meant he had time to himself again. It had been a while since he could just zone out in peace. He was on top of his material, so there wasn’t any real reason to study tonight. Maybe he could watch a movie or play video games. Normal, mindless things that had nothing to do with [Name]. It sounded good enough to him. 

But when he got home, he noticed her shoes on the rack—askew, never neat. His brow furrowed. There had been a little impromptu meeting for the volleyball club, but he wasn’t so late that he wouldn’t have beaten her home from the mall or shops. Hesitantly, he walked up the step and poked his head around for her. No sign. No messy blanket or couch slump in the living room. There was dinner started in the kitchen, but no mother either. Then a _thump_ , distinctive of a box hitting the ground, sounded off in the direction of his bedroom. Curious, he went, only to see [Name] standing right in the hall with her hair back and her hands on her hips.

“You’re back early,” he said coolly in order to get her attention. She turned, openly surprised.

“Ah, K—um. Hey.” She cleared her throat before she could finish his name and his heart sank three levels deeper. “Akane got into some trouble, of course. She had to stay behind for cleaning duty, so we just rescheduled. But guess what? You’ve got good news!”

“What?” he asked warily, looking past her to his open bedroom door. 

“I’m moving out of your room! Your mom surprised me with a space heater she got today. I told her I didn’t need it, but it’s probably actually best that I get out of your room.”

“Is that Kei?” His mother poked her head out of his room and looked at him pointedly. “Could you check that the soup isn’t boiling over? I’m going to help [Name] move her things back into the spare bedroom. Oh, and make sure the rice is started, too. Akiteru should be here any moment, and I wouldn’t want to have him be hungry when he gets home!”

The words felt like ice shards in his bloodstream. Akiteru, home, _now_? To make matters worse, the expression on [Name]’s face was practically radiant.

“I haven’t seen Aki in _so_ long. He’ll probably think it’s hilarious that I had to share a room with you. Bet you’re glad it’s over, huh?”

[Name] gave him a parting look, tinged with what had to be relief, and then disappeared into the bedroom. Their voices were muffled. Despite that being his room, he felt awkward enough to be like a stranger. 

“Yeah, hilarious,” he mumbled to himself. Almost sheepishly, he turned heel and walked back towards the kitchen like he was in a trance. It almost felt like everything was over, even though it really wasn’t. [Name] was still living here. When she’d first come, she’d been in that guest room, so really it was going back to the way it was. Only it was different, now, because he felt a great loss that he hadn’t felt before.

And now Akiteru was coming back. He’d have to hear her high-pitched voice all the time as she rained adoration down on his big brother. Aki this, Aki that. He’d lost before he even begun. 

He swore, jumping back into reality when the stovetop hissed, angry hot soup splashing over the pot rim. He hurriedly moved the pot to a different burner. The droplet evaporated quickly, leaving nothing but a burnt, ghostly splotch behind. Yeah, him too.


	5. Chapter 5

His alarm went off. Kei turned it off dutifully, but instead of rising out of bed like he normally would, he lay there. The alarm on his phone compared to [Name]’s was drastically different. It left him feeling groggier than usual.

He stared up at the dark, blurry ceiling. Going to school and practice sounded unreasonably exhausting today. In fact, he couldn’t even find the energy to get out of bed, so there was no point in dragging himself through the day. He’d just fake a virus or something and get his mom to call in sick.

He drifted in and out of hazy half-awake sleep, his body unaccustomed to extra rest at this time. It felt like only minutes, or maybe it was an hour, but banging noises of the awake echoed through the thin walls. Water ran and there was conversation outside, probably in the direction of the kitchen. Kei just rolled over and pulled his blanket over his head, creating a tiny isolation cave for himself. No thanks.

Akiteru had gotten home last night, picked up by their father at the train station. He hauled luggage and a sickeningly refreshing smile. What had been the first thing [Name] did when she saw him? _Fly_ at him. Quite literally, she leapt into his older brother’s arms and they twirled around like it was some shoujo reunion scene. Akiteru had laughed at him then, asking him why Kei wasn’t jumping up for joy like [Name] was.

Maybe he really was getting sick, because just thinking about it made his blood boil hot.

He lay around, the adrenaline having woken him up too much to be able to go back to sleep. The room sounded eerily quiet now that there wasn’t another restless body sharing it. He listened to outside the door, waiting for the footsteps of whoever would be trying to fetch him. Would it be Akiteru? His mother? Maybe it would be [Name]?

It took another long while until he finally heard the creaks of stairs. But the thwacks against the ground meant slippers, and only one person in his family bothered to wear them. He supposed he shouldn’t be disappointed that his mother was coming to check on him, but he was.

“Kei?” she asked as she opened the door. “Why aren’t you up for school?”

“I have a migraine. I’m not going,” he chorused, well-rehearsed. His mother wasn’t the type to force him to go because he was responsible enough to understand the consequences of skipping, but he must’ve sounded particularly rough, because she came forwards to lay a soothingly cool hand on his forehead.

“Is it the flu? Or a bug? Did you feel okay last night?”

“Not really,” he admitted, not at all lying about that.

“Okay, stay in bed then. I’ll phone the school. Do you need [Name] to pick up any homework for you?”

It was a valid question, but [Name]’s name coming out of his own mother’s mouth made his heart skip. He couldn’t say that Yamaguchi could bring it because it wouldn’t make sense; why make the guy that didn’t live with him bring his work if [Name] could?

“Whatever,” he muttered, knowing he could blame his sour mood on the headache that was actually starting to sprout at his temples. “I’ll deal with it later.”

His mother ran her hand through his hair carefully, the way she did when he was sick as a kid. The touch felt nice. Then she rose from the mattress and his body bounced up when the weight disappeared.

“Let me know if you need anything, okay dear?”

“Yeah.”

She closed the door gently. Her footsteps receded and he heard her speaking downstairs, probably announcing his illness to the other two. Wouldn’t it be annoying if [Name] came up to see what was wrong with him? Or to ask him personally if he needed work brought back or sheets handed in? Or to touch the back of her hand to his forehead? 

But nothing. Nobody else came by. The front door slammed, meaning [Name] had gone off to school, and the house grew quiet. 

Even sleep didn’t feel like refuge.

\---

He scrolled through his phone, watched videos on his laptop, and lazed around in his room all day. Not being at school was kind of nice. There was no pressure to interact kindly with other people. He didn’t have to tire himself out with volleyball practice, either. But it did get quite a bit boring, doing nothing.

At dinner, his mother asked if he felt well enough to go down and eat. That would mean sitting nestled up close to watch Akiteru and [Name] chitchat. No _thanks_. 

It was a couple hours later before somebody knocked at the door again. He tore off his headphones, pausing the game. His mother would be upset if she saw him playing video games when he was supposedly ill, so he turned off the screen and hastily got back into bed.

“Yeah?”

The door cracked open and with a jolt he realized the face wasn’t his mother’s. He’d been too busy to identify the footsteps coming up, so he hadn’t been able to prepare himself to face her. [Name].

“Hey, uh… your mom asked me to bring you this tea. It’s supposed to help with muscle aches and headaches. Careful, it’s still really hot.”

She came inside, balancing a mug slowly. She set it down on his bedside table with a tissue underneath so it wouldn’t leave a mark. Then she stood there for an awkward second, thinking of what else to say.

“Are you feeling better now?” she asked, trying to sound upbeat.

“Not especially,” he replied, a bit more scathingly than he’d meant. She pursed her lips.

“Well… Akiteru and I were going to watch a movie, so if you’re up for that—”

“Of course,” he muttered, not meaning to say it out loud. Cooping himself up had probably not been for the best after all. It just gave him more time to stew up his frustrations and angst, and now that the ball was rolling, he couldn’t find it in himself to stop. “No, you can screw off with Akiteru. It’s not like he doesn’t see you as a child, so why bother?”

“What are you talking about?” she replied, hurt, but with a face of utter surprise. It twisted when the understanding took place. “Wait, do you think I _like_ him or something?”

“It’s obvious, isn’t it?” he defended. “With your stupid clinginess. It’s disgusting.”

“…just take your medicine.” She turned away sharply, moving like she would slam the door—but he guessed she wouldn’t be so inconsiderate as to rattle the walls when he was “sick”. She closed it firmly instead and then stomped downstairs. Her voice was so loud he could hear it clearly even though she was quite far.

“Aki, your brother’s a _bastard_!”

Great. So now she hated him and was marching off to Akiteru for a shoulder to cry on. Just fantastic. Really, so great. Whose shoulder did _he_ have? 

He let the mug of tea go cold, almost superstitiously afraid that if he touched it, he’d just make things even worse with [Name].


	6. Chapter 6

It wasn’t long until the dreaded, heavier footsteps plodded up the stairs. Kei rolled over in his bed and faced the wall, feeling his heart jump in his chest as he waited for Akiteru to knock on the door. Akiteru always knocked three times in rapid succession—Kei said nothing, and Akiteru opened the door slowly, the old wood creaking on its weary hinges.

“Kei?”

He kept silent, wondering if Akiteru might just drop it entirely and leave him alone. But no dice. His older brother grabbed the desk chair and rolled it to his bedside, sitting down heavily. Clearly, he planned to be here a while. Defeated, Kei rolled over to face him.

“What.”

“I think you know.” Akiteru adopted a calm voice of ambiguous disappointment, doing his best to be fatherly. It annoyed Kei, but it also triggered an unconscious instinct within him as a younger brother, and his chest felt uncomfortably tighter.

“It wasn’t my fault,” Kei defended quickly, even though Akiteru hadn’t actually accused him of anything. “She blew up on me for no reason.”

There was, he knew, some fault on him. He also knew [Name] had very fair reasons for being mad. But he was stubborn, and quite frankly emotionally stupid, and it was all he could do to lie around and mope.

“So you’re going to be a big baby, is that it?”

Kei sat up sharply, taken aback by the very direct insult. Akiteru wasn’t the type of older brother to bully and heckle the younger, but his face was quite serious. 

“What?” Kei gaped, actually unable to come up with a witty comeback.

“A baby. You want to be a baby?”

“I’m not a baby,” Kei retorted, fully aware that it was the least intelligent thing he could have replied with.

“Babies cry about problems they made themselves. If you’re not a baby, you can handle cleaning up your own mess then, can’t you?”

“I just said it wasn’t my fault.” Despite the cold tone, Kei felt that he was doing just as Akiteru was taunting—whining like a _baby_. Akiteru sighed.

“[Name]’s upset after something you said to her. Doesn’t that mean it’s up to you to go find out what made her angry?”

“She can be angry about whatever the hell she wants,” he muttered spitefully. “It has nothing to do with me if she’s too sensitive to handle whatever I say.”

“Baby.”

“Stop calling me that,” Kei snarled. Without missing a beat,

“Baby.”

“Stop.”

“Baby.”

“ _Stop_!”

Akiteru shrugged. “I won’t stop ‘till you stop being a baby.”

“Well, what do you suggest I do then?!” Kei relaxed his fists, which had been gripping his sheets tightly. Akiteru sighed and dropped his head forwards.

“What, did I really not raise you well enough?” He picked his head back up, but this time, his amber eyes were soft. “Kei, it’s not up to me. And it’s not me that’s in the way of things, y’know. It’s _you_. I mean, it’s just the two of you in the relationship, right? Just like it’s only us two right now as brothers. You’ve got to make up your mind about how to make things right.”

He felt his face tickle uncomfortably. So had [Name] snitched on him? Though, he couldn’t quite disbelieve that Akiteru hadn’t figured it out himself, either. Little brother, jealous of big brother. How lamely cliched of him. Akiteru seemed to notice the gears turning in his head and reached forwards, plopping a large hand on his head. Kei jumped and tried to move away, but the ruffling of his hair reminded him of younger days long gone, and it was somewhat comforting.

“But I’m serious. If you don’t apologize to [Name], I’m going to have to give you a _real_ talking to! You hear me?”

“…yeah fine, whatever.”

Akiteru got up and pushed the chair back. Kei sank back into his covers, closing his eyes as if that might shut out the overwhelming pressure and responsibility that had now settled on his chest. He heard Akiteru walk towards the door, before turning.

“Hey, good luck. If it makes you feel any better, I think she really likes you too. So chin up like a man, okay?”

He left. Kei couldn’t help but feel a pulse of bitterness. How was it that Akiteru, his stupid goofy brother, managed to spit out actual wisdom in times of need? This was the same idiot who texted him at three in the morning to ask if you could absorb calories through shower soap. In any case, no matter how much he was loathe to admit it, Akiteru was right. It was up to him to fix things with [Name], or break them.

Though with the amount of overwhelming fear he felt just by thinking about a girl, maybe he _was_ a bit of a baby after all.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr link: https://deltachye.tumblr.com/post/180764894711/%E9%87%91%E7%B9%95%E3%81%84-kintsukuroi


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